A Reading From the Book of Fusilli



Chapter 12 through 13

 

*As transcribed by David D.

6 And it came to pass that the Flying Spaghetti Monster saw that the world was no longer a tasty place.

7 And the Flying Spaghetti Monster said, I will destroy all this untastiness that I have created from the face of the earth; man and beast, beer and brothel, and all the creeping things that are less than savory.

8 But Steve the Pirate found grace with the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and was touched by his noodly appendage.

9 Steve, begat of Jeff, was renowned throughout the land. The proprietor of a small pub in the provence well know for his amber lager and the best pasta salad of which has ever been spoken to the ears of men.

10 And the Flying Spaghetti Monster said unto Steve, the end of untastiness is come before me and behold I will destroy the earth.

11 Go thou into the forest and seek out the largest Bay Leaf tree therein. Make a ship of these leaves that it may add to the tastiness of my kingdom.

12 And in this fashion shalt thou make the ship, it shall be shaped as a Pirate ship several hundred cubits in length and pretty wide in cubits as well and high enough that thou doest not feel hemmed in. Useth thou thy best judgement.

13 A window thou shalt make in the ship, a rather nice one with curtains. As pirates there be no need for a door, as thou shalt swing on ropes to exit thine ship.

14 And behold, I shall cover the earth with a fresh tomato sauce to destroy all untastyiness. And I shall simmer this sauce on low for forty days and forty nights then another day allowing it to cool and thicken.

15 Go and fill your ship with two of every spice in the land. Gather basil and paprika and salt and cayenne peppers that we my season the new tastiness of the world to come. This is my promise to you and all who come after you.

1 And so it came to pass that the Flying Spaghetti Monster did cleanse the earth with a fresh tomato basil sauce and remove all untastiness therein.

2 And Steve went into his ship and did float upon the sauce that covered all the earth for 41 days and 40 nights (allowing for cooling). And Steve had brought into the ship two of every spice and these he did liberally apply to the sauce through the very nice window with curtains that he had built.

3 On the 41st day the Pirate ship came to rest on a hill and so Steve sent forth a parrot to see if the sauce had receded, but the parrot found no place to roost and returned to the ship.

4 So Steve waited and after seven days he sent forth the parrot again to see if the sauce had abated and the parrot returned not to him again but instead found refuge beside a large beer volcano.

5 Thus it came to pass that on the 49th day the earth was dry and tasty and Steve built a small alter unto the Flying Spaghetti Monster and covered it with parmesan. And Steve spoke to the Flying Spaghetti Monster saying, In your tastiness the earth has been reborn and, wow, a beer volcano!

6 And the Flying Spaghetti Monster saw that it was good and mighty tasty.