The Letter of Captain Jeff the Mishunairee to the Googlists

Chapter 1 Have You Been Touched?

1 Ahoy maties. 2 I come from the Pastafarian community to warn you nonbelievers of the coming Apocalypse (Apastalypse). 3 The Dark Lord Darwin and his Science are covering the land, replacing our precious blind faith and beliefs with horrid reason, evidence, and facts. 4 If you wish to avoid the coming doom, you must repent and let the Flying Spaghetti Monster touch you with His noodly appendage. 5 Your god, Google, is indeed powerful, but lacks the mass of quivering pasta that is divine enough to repel Darwin’s evil power. 6 Beware the temptor and his tricks and head to to hear the FSM’s word and be blessed by Him. 7 Sauce be upon you, my fellow satirists. 8 Ramen. -Captain Jeff