Proclamations of the Councils of Olive Garden



Second Announcement Regarding Canonical Belief


1 “His Holiness the Flying Spaghetti Monster is Eternal, without beginning and without end, and with a whole tangled mess in the middle. 2 He willed All That There Is into existence when He saw fit to do so and in the order He chose. 3 He prankishly thwarts all human attempts to find out exactly when or how this might have occured.

4 He has chosen, in His Holy Sauced Wisdom, to reveal only these certain truths: that after the Earth itself, came mountains, trees and a midgit/midget (but not necessarily in that order), and that thereafter He took three days off, Friday being the Holiest among them.

5 What came next is the subject of much great lore passed from the midgit/midgets down through the ever-dwindling pirate population, also the Holy Inspired Works revealed to and gathered by His Faithful Followers, and attempts at scientific conjecture, each of which have varying levels of accuracy and entertainment value. 6 His Saucy Orbs do Look With Delight upon that which is well-written.

7 For as His Noodly Appendages Do Touch Us, so too do they touch even the smallest atoms of the universe, and re-arrange them for His Own Holy Amusement, so as to drive scientists insane. 8 And thus, if Creationism is to be taught as Science, then the Great and Holy Truth of the Creation of the Universe by His Holiness the Flying Spaghetti Monster must also be taught.”

-Solipsy of the First Council of Olive Garden