The Book of Disco
1.And the Flying Spaghetti Monster came to me 2. In a dream of fond noodliness. 3. I accepted his gift by touching him back, 4. Making him grow more so fond of me. 5. And he said in the dream 6. “Convert as many as you can 7. as it is my will and prowess to do so.” 8. I agreed to this and he granted me 9. a spot in heaven atop the Beer Volcano and Stripper factory. 10. As I asked him how I could pay my respects daily to him 11. he said “Take this pasta and eat it, it represents my body 12. it will bring us both closer together.”
13.As I was converting others I came upon a fellow named Zach. 14. As I talked with him he bacame overwhelmed by the awesomeness of our noodly master.15. He became so obsessed he started to have massive spasms on the floor while repeating, 16. “The Flying Spaghetti Monster is sooo freaking sweet he makes me want to 17. crap my pants.” 18. Zach has come down with a disorder called “Over-enthusiasm”19. Sure our PastaLord wants us to worship him but not all the time. 20. If he wanted us to worship him all the time 21. he would have never given us free will.
22.“Help thy fellow miget in times of peril, as they will help you in your time of need.” 23. The Flying Spaghetti Monster told us. 24. As he gave me advice on numerous things I took notes, here is his devine word. 25. “I encourage an openess to any other religion, bashing is not seen as an act of noodliness.” 26, “The Viking is as much a friend as the pirate. The Ninja hath see no mercy from the Flying Spaghetti Monster. 27. “Emo sucks.”
1. As I was taking my long and boring standardized tests this week, 2. I was told by our noodly master a set of directions to base my faith of him on. 3. The entire conversation took a mere 13.2393487 seconds, 4. as this is the holy number of the noodles. 5. Although that may seem to be a short amount of time in human time, 6. to beings of a higher evoltionary status it is infact the equivalent of 23 human years. 7. This was what happened:
8. Me: Why hello your noodley pirateness
9. FSM:GYayusuiHFSiy daosu Ofsus GEMEIN!!
10. Me: ??????
11. FSM: Oh yes you don’t speak Guysdns do you?
12. Me: No I do not, I am not worthy of such and honor.
13. FSM: Yes you are right it is quite an honor to speak the tounge.
14. Me: Tell me Spaghetti, how do I become honorable enough to participate in these said activites?
15. FSM: First you must remain faithful to me and only me. Why you ask? Because I am cool. Second you can make me offerings, spaghetti, pasta whatever suits your fancy. Thirdly you must promote the word of me but only in moderation, nobody likes a pasta thumper.
16. FSM: After that and you have proven yourself will you be able to participate in these sorts of activities. If you purposefully do not do these activities even when reminded by fellow pastafarians, you will be sent to spaghetti hell, which is BAAAAAAAAAAAD! This shall be taken lightly as I am lazy and don’t wanna fill out the paperwork.
17. FSM: Which brings me to another point,
18. Paperwork = BAAAAAAAAAAAD
19. Paperwork is the spawn of ninja! Those who like paperwork are petty buerocrats who like cubicles. Who really wants to fill out the paperwork? If any paperwork is to be filled out I send it down to my lesser pirates to do it as they are my humble servants. They serve but do not govern.
20. Me: So this means I should probably get a job that requires thinking?
21. FSM: Exactly my point young lad! I think you’ll grow up to be a fine young pastafarian! I think lyrics of this song should guide you,
22. Lucy in the skyyyyy with diamonds.
23. FSM: As this 13 seconds is about over I am going to end this conversation
24. Me: BYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEE
26. And thats how it happened, how I learned about life, work and how terrible paperwork is.