The Random Number
of Not Commandments,
1. I am the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Thou shalt have no other monsters before Me. (Afterwards is OK; just use protection.) The only Monster who deserves capitalization is Me! Other monsters are false monsters, undeserving of capitalization.
2. Thou ought not do stuff thou already knowest is wrong, like killing, lying, cheating, stealing, etc. Dost thou really need these carved into a rock?
3. Judge not, for verily it be not thine job neither most likely to be thine business.
4. Hey, try not to buy too much useless crap, OK?
5. Be kind unto others whether they are kind unto thou or not, for it maketh thou the better person in most situations, and occasionally it doth piss off an idiot, which is funny unto Your Lord the Sauced One.
6. Thou ought not consume “cheese” from a green cardboard can, nor ought thou allow such cans into thy homes
7. Thou shalt share, that none may seek without finding.
8. Thou shalt not feel guilty for feeling good.
9. Thou shalt remember that all the peoples of the Earth are equally My Creatures. When thee worship strippers, always show thy monetary appreciation generously. Remember that midgets are Holy unto Me; thou shalt not overlook them.
10. Thou ought not take thy Pasta in vein. Or artery, for that matter.
11. Thou ought ever seek to improve thy Pasta, to more closely approach the Divine Noodliness.
12. Thou ought beware those who claim to have achieved Noodly Perfection, for they are False Chefs whose claims of the Perfect Recipe will lead thee astray.
13. Thou shalt be amused rather than angered by the words and deeds of idiots; for I am thy Noodly Lord and I have created idiots solely for entertainment purposes, Mine first and thine likewise.
14. Vengence belongs only to the Holy One. Should you happen upon a restaurant that serves pasta that is not up to the standard of the Holy One, simply deny that restaurant your business in the future. You shall not vandalize, burn, harass, or otherwise disturb the peace.
15. Thou ought to taste beyond the shell of the tortellini, and into the cheesy fillings.
16. Thou shalt be free to worship the Blessed Pasta-King as thou seeth fit.
With acknowledgement to:
Solipsy, verbtea, Qwertyuiopasd, fusiontortellini, Skylow, Barbarian, supercheetah, and Pterorhynchus